TITLE: The People of New York #2 AUTHOR: julie DATE: 12/01/2004 11:58:00 AM ----- BODY:
(The People of New York #1) The behemoth Christmas tree in Rock Center was lighted last night which served as the flying green flag for all the insanity, er...I mean...Holiday cheer to plow, full throttle, through the streets of New York. Crazies, start your engines. Hoo, boy! What this city DOESN'T need is a "little Christmas," right this very minute, or really, even the next minute. What is DOES need, is manners. A lot of em. Now think. If you add a kajillion more people to an already congested city, what do you get? More congestion. And people? People. Are. Rude. When. Congestified. Congestcated? Congestered. Speaking of... Al and I were out shopping last night (for ahem yarn ) and a guy sneezes without covering up his snot riddled nose and/or mucus infested mouth. Immediately, she goes into this mantra: "I love New York. I love New York. I love New York." She had to do this to convince herself that she still wants to be here. I, on the other hand, had to repeat, "I am friends with Allison. I am friends with Allison. I am friends with Allison." What? She was talking to herself. On the street! In public! With actual people around! I don't want to look like I attract the crazies. Heh. Right. Like I don't already. She even, as we discovered later, had her zipper was down the whole night. (Pssst. She's crazy, I tell you!) I guess I am feeling a little bah humbuggy. Spence is in Dublin and he just oooozes Christmas Spirit. (Ew. Note to self: don't ever say someone you love oozes anything. Grody. "Hey! Watch what you're doing! I just slipped on all this Christmas Spirit in the hallway! Three words. Brawny. Paper. Towel.") He is usually the one who wants to get a tree and enjoys prancing around in the snow. Well, he doesn't prance. He just walks. Normally. It's a normal, manly walk. I don't want you to think I am in love with Corky St. Clair. Anyway. He loves taking me Christmas shopping, and enjoys all the nog, and the cheer and whatnot. Spence is just so magical that he...well, I don't know...he...just pulls a rabbit out of my ass on the count of three. WAIT! NO! He just is. Magical. And he instills that sense of excitement especially around this time of year. And he's not here. So, you do the math. Guess where our Christmas decorations are? If you said, "in the closet" you are right! Where will they stay this year? Right, again! You are en fuego! But, I do give myself a little holiday credit. I do still have some Halloween candy. New York. Christmas. I swear some guy lowered his shoulder before he crashed into my frail little body yesterday. And did he say, "excuse me?" Oh no. He did not. Did I give him the finger? Oh yes. Yes I did. (I am becoming one of them. I need me some manners, too.) Jingle all the way! It was raining like Jesus was crying this morning. Which, let's face it. He probably was. I bet he still can't get over the election results. Because of this, the trains were disfunctional. DISFUNCTIONAL. A little water on the tracks? The signals malfunction. Hmmm...New York is an island...looks like we'd have planned for this. I wonder how we can land on the moon, but cannot fix a little track water. If the signals malfunction, trains are impossibly slow, which leads to eleventy frillion people trying to clamor in from out of the rain, into the subway station, to add to the hugamajillion people already in there because the trains...they are not a' comin.' One prince of a guy shook his umbrella out all over me. Thanks, man. Fa la la la la la la la la. A very plastic-y, "pulled" Upper East Side bitch pulled me out of a crammed subway car I had sardined myself into this morning...so she could sardine herself in my place. My jaw hit the floor on that one, but at least I gained my composure in time to say, "If you're rushing to get to your plastic surgeon, ask him what you should do about your jowls, and for God's sake, enough with the eye lifts. Your eyebrows are where a debutante's headband should go." She just heard the jowl part. The doors shut shut before she got that last little gem. My fellow 6 trainers in a 2 foot radius laughed, though. Peace on the earth, good will toward men! When I finally got off at my stop, a woman tossed a half full (still, I am an optimist) coffee cup into the trashcan, but not before a third of it splashed all over me. Luckily, my raincoat was still zipped, otherwise I would have gone Kill Bill on her ass. Repeat the sounding joy! "I love New York. I love New York. I love New York." What? Why are you backing away from me?
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Blogger allison DATE: 12/01/2004 05:40:00 PM As I already mentioned to Julie, I thought my jeans were fitting surprisingly well yesterday (dammit!) Long sweaters, y'all. I am bringin' 'em back!

Julie, it is no wonder you are feeling so frustrated this holiday season. Your Christmas is gay...let it out of the closet so it can be free to express itself.

I need help. ----- --------